Last night we went to bed a little late. Colt had this project to finish up making parachutes (all out of recyclable materials) to launch off the loft.
Kodiak decided he had enough. He was trying NOT to hit his eye so he flopped face down on the couch and put his hands along side. This is one reason I feel he can’t control the movement at times and has to hit his eyes. Or he’s in pain and he’s trying to resist the urge to make it worse. Regardless he fell asleep.
I was worried about his breathing and was about to move him and as soon as we touched him he raised his hand up and clearly was not completely asleep. So we let him be a little while longer.
He moved further down on the couch and my theory is he was liking the cool feeling on his eye. Then he began to snore so I moved him slightly. He sat up and wanted to me to hold him. I put him in a different position and he held on to my arm and he fell asleep.
Today I only worked a few hours in the morning. I didn’t sleep well last night. Several reasons and one is an anniversary that brings me much pain today. It’s not getting any easier at all. I came home called the two phone calls I had to make. It was warm and sunny, I had intended to go sit in the sun, I had intended to go grocery shopping, I had intended to make my kids a really good supper, I had intended to get more done and clean my house. When I sat down the exhaustion hit me like a wall. The next think I knew was my daughter was coming in the door. It was 3:00 pm. I sat down about 11:45 am. Wow! What a waste! It only made me feel worse. But sleep I did. They worked more on home work and Colten finished up his parachute launching and timing and measuring etc.
Then it was time for my little guy to come home. My poor little guy. He was happy to be home but was not really all that happy. According to school he didn’t eat well today. But he sure chowed down supper. We cleaned up messes. Did some reading and then we went for one of our walks.
I walked over 3 miles in 45 minutes. The older two would jog ahead of me and then jog back. Then walk with me for a bit and jog off again. I was pushing Kodiak’s 30 pound (he has extras that add weight) stroller with his 50 pounds in it. He cried at first. I didn’t know why. But then he got really happy and fell asleep along the way.
I asked my kids “some day when you have your own families will you walk?” Both said “yes because we love it and it’s really good family time and you feel good doing it as well” sorry I can’t fix the capital “s” problem becau_e of the mi__ ing “s” key! (My iPhone died”
I remember growing up year round our family would walk about 3 miles. If it was winter we bundled up. We would even walk well after dark by the moon light. It would be so bright we would talk about getting “moon burn” 🙂
My ex and I would walk even way before kids. It was a good time to discuss things. You couldn’t get to mad! You would be burning off steam if you were mad. But we would walk until we got issues resolved if that was the case or we would just be out enjoying the evening. Kids came along and the walks just got a little slower and sometimes much shorter. But always a joy. I don’t remember when the walks became just me and the kids. But it was gradual. We tried to beg, include and invite but after a while we got tired of being turned down. Then it became a nice break for us to be out of the house away from the hurt.
I will say no more as I will become a puddle. I need to keep strong for my kids and get out of this mud hole.
I love the bond we have between us and the confidence that we can confide in each other and how we have each others backs.
This almost becomes a motto with how much we repeat these following sayings… I know there is more I’m just drawing a blank.
We have to be strong for each other
because they have that little brother
He depends on us to protect him
He looks to us to provide for him
He hurts in ways and can’t tell us
He laughs for reasons unknown to us
Kodiak will never find another
That will love him as much as
his sister, his brother and mother!
I am at 99 posts here tonight! I have decided not to post again until its 100 post worthy. We will be busy this week. We will have family to meet up with this weekend. So I will be thinking and trying to figure out what to do to make it a big deal. I’m open to suggestions.
Chow for now! Hope all have a restful night!