When the “FEAR” becomes reality – the “FEAR” disappears!

posted in: Kodiak My Little Grizzly | 5

I had the day off work. But of course my day off was not. I had to take Kodiak to see another very special doctor. I forgot to ask if I could use her name. So for now she is Dr. K. She has children with special needs. So she gets this life. I went with Dr. F’s highest recommendation. And he was every bit right. I had no expectations going into the visit only because that is how I deal with initial visits. I am in neutral until they sway me one way or the other.

Ok. So right off the bat I could feel her warmth. She told me a little about her life with kids and I could tell she understood. I must have not been totally in neutral because I felt myself completely relax.

We talked about correct doses for Melatonin for Kodiak, adding more vitamin D to his diet because us Northerners are all deficient… So I will be giving him that with milk and his meds every night at 8:00. She said it will help him sleep!!!! YEAH! I also told Symone and Colt they too will get their vitamin D with milk at 8:00… My hopes we all sleep well!

She told me I’m NOT crazy in thinking the full moon and weather affect him. She said the doctors all feel its the short end if the straw to get picked for that on call shift! If they view it as such it’s because things just are worse. πŸ™‚ good to know!!!

Then we talked about how Kodi has a hard time eating raw hard or leafy veggies… So its hard getting proper nutrition in the kid. She told me since he has a hard time chewing that sunflower butter is good for him as well as peanut butter. So I found it as well as almond butter. She told me about how NAKED Smoothies has good brain food in it. I now added to his taco mix tonight NAKED GREEN SMOOTHIE… Not much I know but for lunch he had frozen cut up mangos and blueberries added… With his lunch. He cried! But not because of the fruit but because he was so hungry. It was a late lunch. After getting filled up though he began hitting his eye.


He was crying. We have rainy weather as well. But it’s like he couldn’t resist. We got out the green cool gel mask. Plus I gave him 3 Andes mints…. He giggled!

I have to say though… One of my biggest fears was of Kodiak losing the little vision he had. It made me sick. I was told he couldn’t see at all when he was born but as time went we could tell he could see a little. Enough to see close up videos like Baby Einstein, Baby Van Gogh, Baby Neptune, etc…. I was so afraid he would lose the ability to see his favorite color yellow, I was worried he would not know who I am and how to do anything and would be so unhappy…

As I was driving to the Doctors appointment today a thought popped into my head. “The FEAR became a reality. He lost his vision. The only good thing about this is I no longer have that fear. It’s happened and now it’s move forward. Of course like with anything tragic and traumatic there is the allotted grieving process but when all is said and done? The fear is gone!” Yes there are other fears. Like cancer, heart attacks, accidents etc. All of us face these fears and shove them hard to the back of our minds so we don’t become obsessed with this worry… But it’s still there. Anyway, I guess it’s the only good I can come up with when he lost his vision completely.

Another plus is he isn’t angry, he is coming out of his little shell and becoming more expressive with his needs. He wants a drink he knows where the kitchen is. He wants to eat he knows where the table is. He wants to have more of something he tells us. So 3 cheers for Kodi. He is working hard to become a little more independent and coming out of his trauma. Seeing him be ok helps my heart as well. I want the best for my kids and for them to be happy.


Mangos – thawing and chopped up… At first he kept throwing them behind him…


Blueberry smoothie from Bolthouse… Tastes really good. He drank it all…


More mangos and blueberries…. Yeah! He will tolerate the. If I put them in his mouth… Now my finger tips and nails are purple… πŸ™ Any idea how to get the stein off my fingers?

5 Responses

  1. My experience is that the bluebery stain will go away in about two days. πŸ˜‰

    And one other thing – I used to work at Ben Taub, the County Hospital here in Houston. They have the top-level trauma center, and the ER always is hopping. The doctors and nurses always said that a full moon Saturday night was the WORST! I used to have to be around there from time to time, and it really was true – everything and everyone got a little hyper. So if Kodi seems to respond to the full moon, it wouldn’t surprise me at all. After all, the oceans and tides get pulled by the moon!

    • That’s what I say… The tides and fishing and animals… Why not us? Usually we are to focused on other things but these special kids are dealing with mostly things inside them… They feel it more.
      Thank you for sharing. BTW my middle kid was born in a snow storm and full moon. The weird thing was they were so full of women in labor and the ob docs said its always like this. πŸ™‚

  2. Well done Kodi and well done to you as well.

  3. What a brave boy and what a brave family! You guys are truly inspirational!

    • Thanks for your comment. I’m not sure we are brave. We just have to keep living and try to find the joy among hardship. πŸ™‚ I find Kodiak to be inspiring to all of us. How he endures and still giggles amazes me!