Unlike my other two kids I don’t remember much about this day. I do remember I felt twisted…. My spine that is. I had unbelievable pain in my ribs, back, hips and could not take it anymore so my doctor decided to induce me earlier. She knew I was going very crazy. Symone was born on her Due Date in July, Colt’s Due Date was exactly 18 months later in January and he was born 1 day early on a full moon and a snow storm. Kodi I don’t remember much about the day at all except that I was in labor when I went in. His Due Date was on Symone’s but about a week before this my doctor agreed I was losing grip on the pain. As soon as Kodiak was born they showed him to me for like 10 seconds and then whisked him away because he would not cry… well no noise came out when he visibly looked like he was crying. It just sounded like a whisper. Mike took off and followed him to the nursery where they put him on oxygen.
Later when I was able to hold him they had him hooked up to monitors. Apnea and oximeter. I tried to feed him but it was like he was choking and I told the nurse this. The other thing that had me concerned is his ears really looked different, one eye was smaller and his neck looked very crooked. I was so very worried. My mom and the kids got to hold him and play with him. That first bond was so important to them and so good for them that night. What we did not know then is he would be spending the next 11 or 12 days in NICU at Children’s hospital. This was all just too new. And we just thought he had a few little quirks that we could overlook. He seemed so sweet. We could not agree on a name yet. I wanted to call him Cody but we all had nicknames and that one just didn’t have an appealing nickname. I loved the idea of Kodiak and call him Kodi… Mike was not sold on it… so our little baby went unnamed! Mike took kids home and my mom stayed the night with me and little baby English. But he was not allowed to stay with me. They wanted him back in the nursery. I hated this because my babies never spent a night without me. I had no idea this was nothing compared to what was to come. I fell asleep with tears flowing silently on my face and pillow.
I know I did not sleep well… I walked down about 3 or 4 times during the night to the nursery to just check on him. They said a pediatrician would be coming in around noon the next day. I was wondering what they would say. I know I felt so much better physically but emotionally I was a little worried about my baby! I thought back to when in my first trimester I got so sick after eating something bad and I began vomiting blood. I remember calling the doctor wondering if my baby would be ok. I also remember saying another time to Mike if anything is wrong with this baby it was his fault for hurting me because he had too much to drink… after remembering saying this I instantly felt extremely guilty for saying that to him back then. I had wondered if he ever remembered me even saying that and hoped he didn’t. I also wondered why I was hurting so badly in the 3rd trimester and if his neck problem had anything to do with why I felt so much pain and crooked/twisted. Ok! Mike always tells me to not worry until they tell us what to worry about. I forced myself to go back to bed.