I wish I could say how I feel right now. But, right now I can only think how Kodiak must feel. So I will state a few facts! The eye is NOT getting better. We went to another doctor, and tomorrow yet another. It goes like this:
Primary refers to special eye doctor, eye doctor refers to special sinus doctor. While on the phone with them in so many words I was told go to primary to be seen sooner! Grrrr! This is not a love/hate triangle! It’s a doctor triangle. (I LOVE ALL 3 of these doctors. This just shows the triangle) With all the technology out there why are they not doing a FaceTime conference call with the one amazing doctor showing the kid to the other two? Hello? Anyone else out there feel this craziness? So I’m under a great deal of stress to get my baby well! I’m sleep deprived and now missing parts of work. Oh! By the way I work for more wonderful doctors! I’m in no way mad or frustrated with any doctors just the way things are operating! I’m severely sleep deprived and living of coffee and tea and my baby is only getting worse! Deep breath! NO TEARS!
Enough about me! I at least have the concept, knowledge and the profound privilege to have something my little DeafBlind guy does not have? I understand HOPE, I have strong faith and hope. I know what I hope for and what that reality is. I am able to learn about that hope because I can see and hear about it with my own eyes and ears. So any amount of suffering, either pain myself physically due to extreme lack of sleep or him head butting me…, or the torturous pain in my heart watching my little one suffer so much is endurable. It’s endurable due to the strong faith and hope I have. I have developed this faith, hope and my beliefs and gained strength from the true source of all I believe in. But what amazes me! What really floors me! What has me stand in awe is watching this little man suffer so deeply and yet can find things to giggle about. He knows nothing about his future. He doesn’t know how his life will be and our hope that we have for him and faith it will become a reality. He has no knowledge that these exist let alone will come true. So how can he giggle? What does he even have to think about? How can he find funny things in life when he can’t even see or hear? How can he even tease those around him? How can he continue to go on? Why when some have so much more in life and going for them are they willing and seeking to end it all?
I find tears flowing freely tonight! Very easily! Mostly due to exhaustion, stress, and frustration of this endless triangle. But I have hope! I know my little DEAFBLIND boy will see again. I know he will hear again! I know he will have perfect health and run all over the land free from all these troubles. Free from doctors and free from his silent and dark prison. He will swim with the fish in the lakes and oceans. He will chase butterflies, duckies and anything yellow. He will ride his own Kodiak grizzly and he will be leading all the animals and other children in song of praise to God for making him perfect! Isaiah 11:6-9 found @ JW.ORG
So we just endure and do our best to make him well. We endure this triangle until he’s completely healed. We seek help and hope the true healing will be soon. Revelation 21:4 I have hope and faith it will be very soon! It helps me smile! I’m happy for the most part! I love life! I can’t wait for it to be perfect! I can only wonder then does he know to trust me and does he feel confidence from my strong faith? Does he somehow know? Is he learning what we know?
I hope we get answers tomorrow!! And my little boy is at peace again! I love you Kodiak! I miss your brother being gone at Nana and Papa’s. You are in good hands with your sister too. We all love you! We continue to pray for you always! You are very precious and very dearly loved!